The Journey of Pressured Children and Adolescents

Parents gathered at this past week to gain some insight into the pressures children endure on a daily basis, both in and out of school.

Author, psychologist, and school consultant Dr. Michael Thompson explained such pressures during Wednesday's presentation, which was sponsored by the Thurston Parent-Teacher Organization. 

Thompson has written several books, including the New York Times bestseller “Raising Cain.” He also conducts workshops across the United States on social cruelty, children’s friendships, and boyhood development.

“In the issue of pressure, 'how much is too much' is always an issue in schools with parents with high expectations,” Thompson said during his presentation.

He went on to ask the audience why they attended, and what pressures they were worried about. One of the topics that arose was extracurricular activities.

“I ran into a fellow in Texas who told me that he and his wife had three kids, and they were in so many after school activities," Thompson said. "One May, they looked at each other and said, 'We hate our life. All we do is kid handoffs, all we’re doing is time management. We’re not seeing our kids, we’re not sitting down together, we hate it.’

“So, they made a pledge,” Thompson added. “Next year, nothing after school. Nothing. And when they told people during the summer that they were going to do no after school activities, people looked at them as if they were martians, and he said it really wrought them because they were clearly swimming against the tide, but they remembered how much they hated their lives, and they stuck to their guns.” 

Around mid-November the next year the family realized they had a family life, the kids were recreationally reading, and their grades had improved, Thompson said.

“But they weren’t doing everything the neighbors were doing, and that was still a bit of an internal fight,” he said.

Thompson’s story highlighted how a change of pace can offer a different perspective, and can help families to discover new things about themselves as a whole. Not just as students, but as fellow human beings.

Another topic was the pressure kids can feel when all their friends are participating in activities, and how kids are always measuring themselves up to each other, and how there is increasingly more and more to measure up to as time progresses.

“Kids naturally want to be doing what their friends are doing,” said Thompson.

Another issue that was brought up was the balance of extracurricular activities and academics. To address this, Thompson recalled an interesting study comparing the stress in Japanese students and United States students.

“The hypothesis basically was that the Japanese families were so intent on education that their kids might be more stressed," he explained. "And this study, which is now quite outmoded in one way, but I never forgot it, said the Japanese kids weren’t as stressed as the American kids because the Japanese families only needed their kids to be an academic success. The American families needed their kids to be an academic success, and a social success, and an athletic success. They need to be a success across the board.” 

Another point that was brought up was the idea of an American education.

“When I go to Brazil and somebody says ‘what about American education?’ I say, there is no such thing as an American education," Thompson said. "There is a vast range of schools, from some of the elite schools that can compare with elite schools anywhere in the world, and there are some desperately terrible schools.”

An example of a “desperately terrible” school was in Hawaii.

“They simply couldn’t pay the teachers so they just closed school. For 17 Fridays they didn’t educate the children, and I have feelings about that,” said Thompson. “It’s a decision, so it’s obviously not a high pressure system. State standards are not the same everywhere, and some states in order to qualify for the No Child Left Behind essentially make their exams easier. So, once again, there’s a huge range of response. It’s almost impossible to generalize. In the end, you have to make a decision about your child and your family, and you have to remember school.”

Thompson also touched on the wants and needs of children, and how they are constantly searching for the feeling of success, and although it might not necessarily be in school, they are always doing the best they can. He also talked of teachers, and how the best teachers know that motivation through fear is an overall ineffective method, and that school and books are not the only sources of knowledge.

A flier was given to everyone to help break down Thompson’s talk, and one section highlights what school is not:

“School is not a race, it is not a competition, and it is not a contest. It is not about prizes after graduation. It is not about a report card. School is not a level playing field. School is not about the preparation of life. Children are living their lives right now.”

To find out more about Thompson and his studies, visit his website at www.michaelthompson-phd.com.